Thankful - For What I Have and Unanswered Prayers

Today I write this just hours before the American holiday of Thanksgiving.  While the actual celebration of Thanksgiving in the United States is a reflection on some horrific acts committed against the indigenous people in this country, the time for me to reflect for what I am thankful for is a true blessing. Maybe it sounds sappy, but there are so many things that I am thankful for.

My life is truly blessed with the best children that I could have ever asked for.  My youngest daughter who thinks that this holiday is cursed because this is the second year in a row where she is sick for the holiday lay sleeping next to me. What more could I be thankful for then listening to the sounds of her breathing knowing that she fell asleep in my arms?  My older two children are both out with their friends, but home tomorrow to spend time with me.  The house is quiet now, but I know that tomorrow it will be filled with laughter.  For that I am thankful.

My sister who is at work because of the dreaded curse of retail.  For her I am thankful. If you have never had a sister who calls you on your bullshit, you are truly missing out.  She is liking having a frenemy because she brings out the best and the worst in you.  If I ever truly want someone to bury a body with me, it would be her.  If I ever want someone to say, "girl, stop crying, get your ass up and do something about it!," it would be her.  For that I am thankful.

I do not have a large circle of friends, but for those who are truly my friends, I am thankful. When I need someone to talk to, I have a few of you that can be there.  I have those friends who can just know that I need to vent, and let me do so. My close friends I hold dear in my heart, even those who live far away and I don't speak to often.  For that I am thankful.

For every bad memory, for every good one, for every struggle, and for every triumph, I have become this person- a messed up, well intentioned, smart-ass, who still believes in praying for signs.  Someone who looks for the good in people even after I thought I have lost my way.  When I prayed for something to happen and it didn't, I know it is because something better is coming my way.  For the couple of men in my life who I have loved, I am thankful.  For the lessons that I have learned about how not to be loved and how not give love, I am thankful.

I will continue to pray for signs to help guide me when I have lost faith in either my heart or mind.  I will remind myself to keep being thankful for all that I have and for all the unanswered prayers that will lead me to something better.

Wisdom 2 - Demons, Nightmares, Secrets

If you didn't read Wisdom 1, for my recent birthday I made a list of 26 wisdoms.  These are my thoughts on what is important in the world.  I looked back and thought to myself what do I feel is important.  Number 16 is my favorite, so if you are wondering what it is, you will need to wait until I get to that blog. 

Wisdom number 2 to me reminds me partially of that Billy Joel song, "The Stranger." During one of my break-ups, my boyfriend told me that I was not acting like the person that he knows I am.  I coldly looked at him and said, "you don't know me that well."  This was partially true and partially my stranger.  In the song Joel says, "we all fall in love, but we disregard the danger.  Though we share so many secrets, there are some we never tell." Had I ever let this person see my stranger?  I thought maybe one stranger, but not the other.  Had I ever let someone see all the sides of me?  Is this why so many relationship around the world fail?

Wisdom #2

Love the person who helps quiet your inner demons, helps the nightmares go away, the one you can share your secrets with.

 The truth of the matter is that I have trust issues.  Big shocker, right? Don't we all.  There is not one person in this world who knows all of my secrets.  We walk around with this mask of who we are or really who we pretend to be.  Trying to avoid pain, we hide away from the truth.  We build walls around our hearts and try not to let anyone get to them because is love worth the potential pain?

I have to thank that boyfriend because he did help quiet the inner demons that he knew about.  He was supportive of the emotional broken person that he knew.  He knows me more than I allowed most.  The truth is that he saw the big cracks, but never knew about the cracks in the foundation.  When you truly find someone who you allow to enter the wall around your heart, you share the secrets that have cracked the foundation.  These are the secrets that you have tucked away and hidden so that the mask you wear everyday can still seem real.  This is when you realize that there are so many walls that need to be broken down.

We all have nightmares or memories that haunt us.  Are you able to share these with your partner?  There are times that I wake up with a terrible sense of dread.  Are you able to share these with the person you love even when they reveal the cracks of your foundation?  Until you are able to share these memories, you will continue to have a stranger that your partner doesn't know.

When you find the person that you can share every part of you, every mask that you wear, every haunting memory, cherish that person.  I use to say that I don't believe in love.  What I really meant is that it scares me more than anything to let someone else in.  If you are lucky enough the realize that the half full glass is refillable, let love in.

Wisdom 1 - Your Soul

On my last birthday I created a list of wisdoms that I have learned throughout my life.  So far, I have come up with 26!  I am sure that there are many more that I can think of.  I am hoping the list continues to grow because I want to believe that there is so many more lessons to learn. Wisdom #1:

Never regret being in love, but realize the true love should help your soul not damage it. 

It sounds cliche to talk about love being a splendid thing. I also think that many people confuse love with admiration, lust, avoiding loneliness, co-dependency, and the like.  I can't say that I truly have loved very many people.  Of course, there are my family members that I love - my children, sisters, nieces, nephews, etc.  I understand that there are times when even family member are toxic in someone's life.  What I want to talk about is being in love with a partner.

There is something so intense in life when you fall in love with a partner.  You know this love feels like nothing else.  It can be the wrong person at the right time, sometimes the right person at the wrong time, or if you are lucky it is the everlasting kind of love.  So never regret being in love with someone because love is that emotion that can consume you and make you feel like life was meant to be lived just like this.  True love should never destroy you.  

Last night, I stood behind my sister, supporting her, being there for her as she watched the man that she loved for 7 years lay in wood box.  I love my sister immensely and it was breaking my heart watching her look at man that had been such a big part of life now just a body without a breath.  Less than 6 months ago because love should not damage the soul, they broke up.  The end of their relationship was not the end of her love for him.  If you truly love someone, the love never stops.  It may decrease or be tucked away, but never truly gone.  While she supported his family, they supported her.  

At the viewing, they told stories about his life.  It was nothing like Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, "the evil that men do lives with them, and the good is oft interred with their bones."  (It is one of my favorite quotes from the play.)  Only good memories were shared as it should be.  Even his pastor of 22 years came up to my sister to see how she was holding up.  Family members who gathered from all over came to meet my sister.  They had heard about her for years and wanted to meet the last woman that their departed relative had loved. She told me that he had loved her in his own way.  All the proof she needed was all the people she never met who knew about her.  I type this now knowing that today will be even harder as I hear her getting ready for his funeral.

Another cliche, life is short!  There was a time when his love helped heal her soul from previous bad relationships.  Life has many lesson and I know she will never regret the love that they shared.  She can not erase the 7 years of memories that they had.  I don't want to imagine the pain she is feeling right now.  I have to believe that her soul will heal from this tragic loss.

My lesson here, while I do not believe that they should have reunited, is that don't take love for granted.  Never regret that you have fallen in love, because it can be so rare.  Go out and find the love that can heal your soul.  When love damages your soul, learn to identify the damage caused and realize that love should not be this way.  It is okay to still love someone who is not right for you.  Life and love are both blessings.  

Are You Outraged? I am!

A couple of years ago, a new slogan was introduced in the United States - "Make America Great Again!"  Sounds like a nice sentiment.  Who doesn't want to live in an America that is great?  The issue with great is that it is subjective.  I want to know who's idea of great people were thinking about when they embraced the slogan.

I for one think that it would be great if we did a lot of things in the United States.  Let's find ways to raise the level of education in this country so we are not lagging behind so many other countries in the world.  I also think it would be great if people in this country did not so often have to choose between paying rent or receiving adequate healthcare.   I think it would be great if the President did not mock the disabled, a prisoner of war, a gold star family, or a survivor of sexual assault.

Wait, what? Yeah, I can't believe it either.  The man who is the President of the United States acts like a bully. We have all seen it through various news outlets.  The question is, are you outraged?  I am!  If you are not outraged, why not?  Explain to me how you can not be outraged at the way that the President treats people.  Did I say that you don't agree with his politics? No.  This is not an attack or partisan issue.  This is a human decency question and I'm very serious.

I am a woman, a mother, a daughter, a person.  How can you sit by and think that mocking someone who has stated that she is a survivor of sexual assault is ok?  Fact - the allegations have not been proven or discredited.  But how do you not see that the reaction that you have to the allegations have an impact on others.  My personal belief about Dr. Ford's testimony aside, how can this be a logical response in 2018 to someone's claim about sexual assault?  What example does it set to others?

Think! Some people were waiting to hear the testimony of both sides to form an opinion.  Some were waiting on the shame of a one week FBI investigation as they are not given enough time to delve into the facts.  If as a mom, dad, aunt, or uncle, you react and say that Dr. Ford is lying and this is all a ploy, what does this say to your daughter or niece?  This says that without any proof of lying that the behavior of assault is acceptable.  If you make fun of Dr. Ford or any other accuser, what are the chances that your loved one when assaulted will come to you?  What message are you sending to women everywhere?  This is the reason that approximately only 30% of sexual assault cases are ever even reported.  The survivors are less likely to report because they have seen how you and society treats those who step forward.

Maybe perhaps we have already grown accustomed to the tyrannical behavior of the President and some are now numb to his antics.  Perhaps we don't believe the survivors of sexual assault.  Even worse, perhaps someone believes that the behavior is acceptable because the actual act of rape did not occur. (The President himself has sexual assault allegations against him.)   I am outraged that these are the scenarios that I can come with why people would not be outraged.  So let's make America great again by having some compassion and holding the leaders of the country to a deeper level of respect that should accompany the positions that they hold.

#WhyIDidntReport - The Sad Truth

Rape, Harassment, Assault - completed or attempted - Does it matter?  Should it matter?  Does when it happened matter?  What happens when all of this is publicized day in and day out?

Emotions and let's not forget - politics are running high right now with the review of the SCOTUS nomination of Brett Kavanaugh.  Women from his past, albeit 30 or more years ago, are coming forward to claim that at a minimum Judge Kavanaugh attempted to assault women in his teenage years.  I have heard the Fox News report state that Dr. Ford still was fully clothed and was not actually raped.  First of all, it is almost as they were admitting that this happened even though the term used was allegedly.  Second of all, shame on you and anyone else who thinks that it only counts if the assailant was able to complete the heinous act. 

What do I mean?  If you are a parent or even know someone who is a parent.  Let's say heaven forbid, that you notice someone following you and the child through a grocery store.  The person doesn't have any groceries or a cart.  The person then trails you through aisle after aisle.  Then you notice that the person is taking pictures - not of you, but of your child!  (Creeper!)  You go to confront the person with the pictures of your child and he/she runs out of the grocery store.  Other around who are alerted to your plight try to catch the assailant, but he jumps into a car that is waiting for him in the parking lot.  You call the police and the police let you know that this has been reported in the past and the person was likely taking pictures of your child to see if there was a buyer for human trafficking.

My heart bleeds for any parent, person, child, human that has had encountered such a situation.  I have 3 children and I was so overprotective of my children that they may have thought I was a nut case!  (I might be for other reason.)  Now after this ordeal, people are comforting you.  Thankfully, your child is not another damaged soul sold off into slavery.  Let me ask you, was that parent not traumatized?  The child was not abducted.  The child is now safely home with the parent.  Will the parent not react differently when out with the child?  Will it not haunt the parent or become the subject of future dreams?  Will the parent not wake up in the middle of the night to make sure that the child they could have lost was still soundly sleeping?

From: https://www.rainn.org/statistics

To not confuse this Dr. Ford's testimony, I will tell another tale of attempted rape.  At sixteen a young women goes with a couple of friend's to someone's house to hang out.  This was not a party.  It was a small group of people about 10-12 and the young lady only knows 2 of the people.  She goes to put her hoodie in a bedroom where everyone else has dropped their coats on the bed.  For some reason she didn't notice that someone was in the room.  She turns around and he has closed the door.  She heads for the door buy he grabs her arm.  He covers her mouth and nose so she can get any words out.  The teenage boy pushes her down on the bed and with his hand and still over the girls mouth and nose begins fondling her breasts.  The girl is trying to fight back but the boy has enough weight on him to keep her pinned down.  It is getting harder for her to fight back because it is getting harder to breathe.  She tries to keep her wits about her having been assaulted before.  She pretends to lose consciousness from the hand being over her mouth and nose.  The young man still fondling the sixteen year old girl notices this.  Slides his hands over her body, but finally decides that she is no longer a threat.  He gets up to begin to take down his clothes.  The girl who has been fighting every urge to fight back with the horror of the roaming hands he had on her just seconds earlier seizes this opportunity to jump up and run to the door.  She bangs on the door as he tries to pull her back to the bed.  Fortunately, the two friends that she came with hear her banging and are able to break the lock on the bedroom door and get her out.

This poor young lady.  Again, my heart bleeds for her and all people who can relate to the story.  This girl was not penetrated thankfully.  Was she not traumatized?  Will she react differently when going out to other houses?  Even though she is at home in her supposed safety, will it not haunt her or become the subject of future dreams?  Does she wonder if she will ever sleep soundly again?

Why do I compare the two?  When the door was busted down and the sixteen year old girl fleeing the apartment said what had happened, the teenage boy said she must be mistaken.  The door was stuck, she fell on the bed, she kissed him (she didn't), and so on.  While the mother who's child could have been abducted was consoled and asked about the stalker, the sixteen year-old was asked about herself.  What was she wearing?  How short were her shorts?  Had she been drinking?  Is she sure about what had just happened?  Did she say no?

In short, only about 31% of sexual assault case are reported.  The victim is repeatedly victimized by the memory, his/herself, and justice system when reported.  The trauma of sexual assault can linger with the victim even after he/she thinks that have finally gotten over it.  For those who have been lucky enough not to experience sexual assault, please know that millions of survivors are reliving their trauma right now as we debate the merits of the Kavanaugh case.

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If you are a survivor of sexual assault, you are not alone.  To reach out for help, one source is the National Sexual Assault hotline 800-656-HOPE (4673).

Leadership: Is A Call To Action

John Quincy Adams said, " If your actions inspire other to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more--you are a leader."  In other words leadership is a call to action.

How many people have never faced a single challenge or obstacle in their lives?  The answer is assuredly no one.  Why? It's obvious that ignorance is bliss and unless you are completely ignorant with no opposition to your ignorance...well you faced something!  In life we all face obstacles and it our actions the define our leadership abilities.  The great thing about our lives is that we each have the opportunity to be a leader.  It does not matter your age, social standing, or beliefs, we are all in a position to be extraordinary leaders.

Sometimes leadership can come from the most unlikely circumstances.  It can start by a refusal to work with someone accused of sexual harassment like Gal Gadot's refusal to work with Brett Ratner on the Wonder Woman sequel.  Perhaps it starts with the dumping of the tea in a harbor to symbolize unjust taxation or it was a defiant Audrey Hepburn who risked it all during WWII with the resistance against the Nazis. Maybe it starts with a little act of compassion like that of my Aunt Becky Carroll who co-founded the #standwithaleppo movement for Syrian refugees.

There are a million other examples around the world.  What they all have in common is action?  What we don't see enough of is positive action in the world.  Someone told me a general principal is that what you put out to the world, you get back--basic law of karma.  Today my karma is telling me that we all need to take action.  It can all start simply!

When my son was young he was very ill and lethargic.  I truly did not understand how ill he was.  I had noticed that he had a flu or something and asked his dad to take him to the doctor since I had just started a new job.  The doctor told my husband to take my son to the emergency room after he examined him.  Well, I knew that when his dad told me that he was taking him the ER after the doctor saw him, new job be damned, I was heading there too.  By the time I got the ER, my son's condition deteriorated.   He was on 100 percent oxygen.  I walked in to the ER like a mad woman.  I think my theatrics probably put even Kramer to shame.  He needed to be medivaced to Children's Memorial Hospital.  He was admitted to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU).

That same night as I stayed in the hospital with my son, my husband called and said that my four year old daughter was ill.  He brought her to the ER at Children's.  She was admitted to a regular hospital bed on the 9th floor.  The next couple of days, I spent a lot of time on the elevator at the hospital with my son still being in the PICU on the 2nd floor.  Luckily for us, we were able to take turns getting some rest at the Ronald McDonald House.

My children are probably tired of hearing me tell this story because I used it for my Toastmasters International Speech competition in 2017.  Two years later, I welcomed my third child and she too has heard the story too many times.  She knows all about my appreciation for the Ronald McDonald House.  One day while at McDonald's (a  treat for her), she saw the collection box.  She asked me if that is where I stayed when her brother and sister were in the hospital.  I told her it was.  She asked for my change and put the money in the collection box.  Now she could have stopped there, but instead she reached into her little purse and pulled out her own money to put in the collection box.  I knew right then that I had another natural born leader.  A simple call to action!

Why you may ask is this a call to action?  Because it was her first step in realizing the inequalities of the world and the need for compassion.  That day showed me that she was going to go above and beyond just like all of my children.  She has served on her student council, volunteers at the Food Bank, and she turned 12 only a couple of weeks ago!  My son and daughter have volunteered to get people out to vote in the last election even though my oldest daughter was only 17 during the 2016 election.  My children have taken the call to action!

Leadership can come from simple things like leading by example or being the change that you want to see in the world.  Today, my call to action is this blog letting you know that regardless of age, gender, religion, sexual preference, country of origin, or socio-economic status you have the opportunity to make a difference.  Simon Sinek, the author of How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action said, "Leadership is not a license to do less.  Leadership is a responsibility to do more."  Every day is an opportunity to be a leader.  Hone your leadership skills and with the leader that resides in the core of each of us stand up to answer the call to action.  Aspire to be a great leader, a better leader, someone you would be willing to fall.

As John Wooden, the basketball player and coach who won 10 NCAA championship in a 12 year span said, “Don’t measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability.” As my children continue to do for me, may you inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more!

Failing: Dreamers, DACA, and Decisions

"Give me your tired, your poor...," written on the very statue, a symbol of our great nation as sign to welcome people to this country.  After World War I, my family came from all different areas of Europe looking for this American Dream.  I have to say that I am lucky that they did.  I looked at the birth certificates of my grandparents.  The one thing that they had in common was that there parents were all immigrants.  I am third generation American, and strapped of course with First World problems.

I was lucky that the four generations back, my great-grandparents did the hard work and left everything that they had known to come to country.  Coming here after one of the hardest and most devastating times in history.  Imagine trying to survive as new immigrant having only been in this country a few years to have to live through the Great Depression.  They didn't return to their countries despite the hardships that the nation faced...no they stayed for the promise of the American dream for themselves and their children.

Dreamers..that is exactly what my great-grandparents were.  Many of them came here as young children.  My great-grandparents didn't have a choice in where they came or when, anymore than children have choice in the hideous outfits they wore as children.  (Where were the fashion police when I was kid?)  What is a "Dreamer?"  It is just someone looking to achieve the American dream.  The land of opportunity--where a college drop-out can become a billionaire, where one person refusing to move on a bus can start a movement, where one man can have a dream for his children to not be judged by color of their skin, where all people are endowed with inalienable right--this is the dream.

Many people seem to forget that the Dream Act, in which we get the title Dreamers, was actually introduced by then President George W. Bush.  In 2001, Congress was unable to pass the Dream Act - Development, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors - to allow those people who were brought here as children to have a path to permanent residency.  These are children whose crime is being brought to a foreign country as a child often with little belongings and leaving behind everything that they know.  Some of these children are brought here so young they can't remember any other country than this one.  When I was 4, my father was stationed on a military base when orders came that he was being transferred to a different one.  One day I lived in one state and the next day I lived in another.  I was not given a choice or consulted.  Why? Because I was a child!  The only difference for me, I am lucky enough to be born in this country.

With the failed Dream Act and no prospects of coming to a bi-partisan resolution, then President Barak Obama created DACA - Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals.  Here are few things about DACA:

• Must be under 31 years old as of June 15, 2012
• Must have been brought to the United States prior to 16 years old
• Must have continuously lived in the United States since 2007
• 100% of recipients have not criminal record
• 91% are employed or going to school
• It cost MONEY!!!

According to statistics, there are 1.9 million eligible Dreamers who could have applied for DACA, but less than 800,000 did.  One of the greatest barriers to applying for DACA is the money it costs.  The fee was $465 for initial and renewal applications.  Another great fear for the children is the family members in the household that did not meet the qualifications to apply for DACA and declaring their place of residence.  With DACA these Dreamers are/were able to temporarily live in this country, work, and get an education.  What did that mean to the American people?  More payments to the federal government, collected taxes, and a thorough background check on every Dreamer's application.

In 2017, President Trump decided to end DACA.  These Dreamers are no longer offered the protections that the DACA programmed offered.  Once their permits expire, they will no longer receive the protection from deportation from a country that they consider their home.  What does that mean? We as a society, as a nation, as rational human beings are failing.  We are failing to consider basic human decency, failing to protect top talent and educated people, failing to put aside political views, and most importantly--failing to provide hope to the next generation.  The Dream Act failed, DACA failed, and no decisions have been reached.

What can be done?  Congress has six weeks to come to some decisions.  Can they put aside their own agendas to make sure that we don't fail?  Can they stop pointing fingers long enough to look into the eyes of the families that will be ripped apart? Can they stop holding the lives of over a million young people hostage for the sake of an ill-promised wall?  I guess if history has taught us anything is that people in power do not always represent the will of the people they are supposed to represent.  I encourage each of your to reach out to your Senator and Congressman, let them know that you do not want to fail our Dreamers again.  Many of us are still out there searching for the American dream. #defenddaca #istandwithdreamers

To find your congressman or state senator's contact information visit: https://contactingcongress.org/

As I Lie - A Poem

When I was younger, I thought one day I would be an author.  Later on life happened, but this site gives me an opportunity to share with anyone my writing.  Below is a poem I wrote years ago.  I hope to write more soon.

As I Lie
by Liz Sachnoff

The gentle zephyr whispers
Calling me ever closer. Come
And bide your time with me
For summer's spoils have left one.

In harmony the duo seemed
Inseparable. A reality entwind
Within a gracious melody
Moments etched within the mind.

She caresses me softly
Like a mother's gentle care
Summoning me with a kiss
Taunting my soul as a dare.

For when a union so perfect
Greek deities would desire
Even cupid's arrow couldn't
Have caused such internal fire.

A flame contained in ones soul
Kindling ever more bright
One she dared to extinguish
On that despondent night.

Abruptly our joining halted
His tender touch nevermore.
For Hades, perhaps of jealousy,
Has plunged my very core.

For in my unrest, I lie
The wind carries desperate pleas.
Return to me he cries
Falling on aching knees.

Feminism: The End of Feminity?

It's 2017!  Yet somehow I get the distinct impression that certain politicians and others are trying to pull us further back in time.  I equate the words strong, independent, and willful to myself and many of my fellow women.  This can be both the career woman, the young student, and the stay-at-home mother.  Somehow I feel that some people think of it as a radical way that went well beyond what the suffrage movement intended.  I quite frankly am very glad that women's movement has continued to evolve generation later into something bigger than just the right to vote.

All too often people equate feminism with the women trying to be manly.  Is that feminism?  Yes and No is the short answer! I currently sit in front of my laptop typing away in a skirt.  Does this mean that I am not a feminist?  I will answer this question later.  Feminism by definition according to www.merriam-webster.com is:

"1. The theory of political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.

2.  organized activity on the behalf of women's rights and interests."

So in other words, feminism is aligned with the equality of the people from all genders.  Yes, I know that there are now 50+ genders according to LGBTQIA, but I am referring strictly to women.  Do I believe in fighting for women's rights?  The issue is the fact that now more than ever, I feel like I have to.  You would thing that in the almost 100 years since women have had the right to vote the issue wouldn't be so difficult.

Let's take the atmosphere of the most recent election which has made the idea of a feminist movement more front and center in the minds of everyone in the US.  I believe that comments made by 45 (aka "Grab them by P***y) have reignited women to organize and stand up for their fundamental rights.  But is that enough!  No, we had just the other day the example of James Green who wrote a letter to the editor in which argued that women making less than men is a matter of simple economics.  He goes on to discussing how if women make as much as men it would mess up the traditional family dynamic.  If women are paid more, men would have to be paid less.  I am not sure about his use of simple economics, but he needs a few math lessons to say the least.  Luckily he has since resigned from his station in Utah.

I wish that I could say that these are the only 2 examples.  When I was in my 20's I received a bit of wisdom from an inspiring woman who is now a VP of company.  She told me that women have to work twice as hard as men to be thought of as half as good.  I wish I could say that this has not been the case in my experience.  Sometimes it has and sometimes it hasn't.  I am lucky right now that I work in area predominantly with working mothers who understand the hectic schedule of all the kid activities.

Feminist? I personally don't label myself as a feminist.  I like to consider myself an equalitarian. Here's why.  I think that men and women can do the same job for the same pay.  I also believe that there needs to be the same qualifications for men and women should they choose to do the same job.  Take for instance a firefighter.  Why would there be different entry requirements for a man and a woman.  I have seen where a man is required to lift 250 pounds, but the women entry requirement is 180 pounds.  Personally if I get caught in the fire, they both better be able to lift me out.  So equality.  The same holds true when men and women have different requirements in the military.

Is feminism the end of femininity? In my opinion, no!  If you think that it is not feminine to stand up for yourself then that is your problem.  This women here is just as girly as the next make-up wearing, accessorizing, and massive shoe collecting women.  Just because I believe that I can work, be a mom, and still stand up for my rights does not make me a feminist, it makes me a woman in 2017!

Why I March - The Women's March 2017

Let me start first by saying - wow I've been meaning to get back to blogging!

The Women's March on Chicago has inspired me more than the political climate of this past election to make sure that I get more passionate about everything.  Let's start by saying some thank you's:
- To the organizers of the Women's March on Chicago

Picture taken at the Women's March on Chicago

- To all the nasty women who came out not only in Chicago, but also all around the country and around the world!
- To our  US Bill of Rights 1st Amendment right to free assembly (and free speech!)
- To my family for letting me be AWOL for a day
Thank you!

I am by no means a feminist which may upset a few people who read this blog.  I have had many debates about equality.  I believe in equality and let's leave it at that.  I did attend the Women's March on Chicago yesterday.  I was surrounded by a sea of a thousand pink hats.  No, I did not wear one.  I saw many posters directed at this country's new president.  I did not have one of those either. Why?  Because I did not go to the Women's March to be an anti-Trump supporter.  No one man can destroy my rights.  My friend and I went there because we are supporters of women's rights and other's rights.  After all, women's rights are human rights. (There can be no argument in mind about that point!)

On an important tangent - I have also seen quite a few posts on Facebook and other social media from women who said they were embarrassed by the march or those women don't represent me.   This I do not understand.  I can say the new administration has not enacted policies that have taken away any abortion rights or women's rights yet. Are a lot of women upset about the platform and attitude that President Trump has expressed about women - again yes!  Have I heard personally heard worse comments than "grab them by the p****!," of course I have.  Please keep in mind that this is not from anyone that is to serve as the Commander-and-Chief of this great nation.  Some women have expressed that they are not a disgrace to women because they did not attend.  NO - they are not!  This is their own personal choice.  If you attended any march - that is your personal choice.  It is a personal decision and women need to stay united for their rights no matter how this was expressed.  And just as we need not slut shame women, we need not shame women who did or did not attend a march.

So to those women who did attend the march wearing pink hats and/or anti-Trump posters, I support your right to do so.  I still consider myself a nasty woman. I understand there is nothing that can change the outcome of the election, so I need to work within the establishment to make sure my voice is heard.  Have you ever agreed with every single decision or enactment of a political leader? I haven't!  If you want a politician who shares every view point that you do, run for office!  Even then, with all the fat that has to go into a bill to get passed, you may still not agree with everything in your own bill.  Nature of the beast, I guess.  Again, this is why I marched.  I did so for several reason.  #whyImarch

The spirit of the march to me was to show unity with the world about some of the social and political issues that we have and need to protect.  This is non-partisan, in my opinion, and simply about being decent human beings. "All men [people] created equal.  They are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness," Declaration of Independence 1776.  While I may stricken men and inserted people, it is true to this day that we are all equal.  Unfortunately, equality seems to mean different things to different people.  What is your definition of equality? My definition of equality means that we protect rights of: Women, Minorities, LGBTQ, Christians and non-Christians, Children, Disabled, and more! I wanted my voice to be heard and I chose the march to do it!

First of all the Affordable Care Act (ACA) better known as Obamacare has made it that more Americans are insured than ever before.  Is the ACA perfect?  No!  Does it need some changes? Yes! To all politicians, don't take it away without providing an alternative.  It's like giving someone food and then deciding that the food isn't good enough.  The food might be edible, but not cavier, so let's give them no food at all?!? I don't follow the logic.  So I marched!

Secondly, my body = my choice! Whether you agree with abortion morally or not, it is not for me to tell you what to do.  Stare decisis is a legal term meaning "standing by things already decided." Come on, Roe v Wade was decided before I was even born. De-funding Planned Parenthood that provides services to women simply because it has abortion services does not make sense.  What about all of the other services it provides? According to the 2013 Planned Parenthood Annual Report, only 3% of its 10.6 million services were abortions.  I don't eat pork, but I don't boycott restaurants that have it on the menu.  So I marched!

- Gay marriage! Even Trump stated that the matter is settled.  I don't plan on having a gay marriage, so I should tell others not to? So I marched!
- Muslim registry - the founding of this great nation was separation of church and state.  I'm Jewish!  The Nazi's registered my people and no religion should face that again.  So I marched!
- Immigration - I'm 3rd generation here on every side of my family.  My children's father is immigrant.  This nation was built by immigrants and is so diverse.  So I marched!
- Exercising my 1st Amendment. So I marched!

There are many more reason, but I mostly I did it for my children - 2 daughters, 1 son.  My bi-racial children from a Jewish mother and an immigrant Christian father.  They are my heart and the future. This country is so great because we are a melting pot.  For my son who gets profiled because he looks Indian and gets stopped at the airport for "random" searches, I wanted to support him.  So I marched! For my oldest daughter who one day hopes to grow up and be a civil liberty's lawyer, she wanted to attend the march but was at her speech competition.  She was with me in spirit,  So I marched! Lastly for my youngest daughter who has a heart of gold and much younger than the rest, she embraces and understands the freedoms of this country and the importance of protecting them far beyond her years. She inspires me with her old soul to do the right thing.  So I marched!

Some women have posted why not march for the rights of people in other countries who do not have the same freedom's as I do in the US.  Great - let's go do that too!  #standwithaleppo Write your congressman, senator, or call them!  There is so much more to do. But what we should not do, is ever stop challenging the establishment, protecting the rights of others, or being decent human beings.  Regardless of your opinion about the march or political affiliation, we need to stand united to let both sides of the political spectrum hear our voices.

Thanks Mitt! Open Mouth, Insert Foot



From About.com Political Humor



Still trying to get a grasp on the upcoming election.  Luckily I have completed my voter registration because I definitely need to make sure that I cast a vote.  It still feels like the election comes down to who will do a better job representing the American people and not always who I would like to lead this great nation.  So, I would like to start by thanking Mitt Romney!

Over the course of the last few weeks, Governor Romney has successfully put his foot in his mouth to make us start forgetting about some of the Bushisms.  Let me start by saying that not only have his comments infuriated me, but also help many Americans realize how out of touch with most of us Mitt really is! There are so many instances over the course of this campaign to even write about., Probably the most telling sign of Mitt's unfiltered errors is the amount of Republicans distancing themselves from the candidate.

First, my deepest sympathy to the families of the four US diplomats killed in Libya.  It was also a great loss to the foreign policy relations with the country.  It was NOT a time to direct blame or to use the situation to try to garner political support.  But, thank you Mitt for opening your mouth and trying to show that you have no idea about the complexity of foreign policy.  After your statements directed at the Obama administration, it is clear that you lack both experience with foreign policy and tact.  To express that the current White House sympathizes with the attackers is gross misrepresentation of the facts and down right political opportunism.  The Obama administration condemns not only the attacks on the US embassy in Libya but also the horrendous representation of the Muslim prophet Mohamed which incited the attacks.

Moving on two prime example two.  In perfect political timing, a  tape of Romney was released in which condemned Americans who do no pay taxes.  In the governor's own words, this represents 47%  of Americans.  As to not obscure what Mitt Romney has said, let's use his own words.

"There are 47 percent of people who will vote for the president no matter what.  All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon the government, who believe they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility for them, who believe they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, you name it.That that's an entitlement.....These are people who pay no income tax.  47 percent of Americans pay no income tax..."

What governor Romney has failed to realize that a large chunk of people who do not pay income tax are senior citizens and military personnel.  These are a part of the Romney base.  So I hope that the voters are savvy enough to understand that this is a dig directed at the have nots.  Romney explains that this is why people are opposed to giving taxes to the rich because they don't pay taxes.  Well, thank you again Mr. Romney for once again showing the American your contempt for 47 percent of us and how out of touch you are with the average American.

During the W. Bush era, I thought that we couldn't get a presidential candidate or president who could express themselves so badly.  It just goes to show that I can be proven wrong.  As part of the 99%, I thank you very much Mr. Romney for lack of compassion, your total disregards for your supporters, and most of all for helping many undecided voters see your true colors.

Welfare: Reform, Overhaul, Status-Quo?



What too many people think about when they think welfare!

 Another hot topic during election season is welfare.  I can't recount how many times I have heard or seen the picture on this blog on facebook or other media sites.  As the picture shows, too many people believe that welfare is just a government hand-out to people who don't want to work.  So is that really the case?

The answer is YES, NO and MAYBE SO...

You might be scratch your head and saying, "Huh?" It's politics, there are no clear cut answers. Where do you think the term politically correct came from? Politicians!  There can be a wide debate on welfare, but there are also some hard truths that both conservatives and liberals  need to face.

Are there people on welfare who know how to "work" the system?  Absolutely!  Are there people on welfare who really need assistance?  Most definitely!  Is there a grey area? That's a rhetorical question.  The right question to ask is why is the system that way.  Simple answer...inherent design flaw.  In all reality, the system works best for those who don't help themselves.

You might be asking what do I mean? Well great strides were made to the TANF program (the one that grants money) when recipients were required to work to be able to collect cash benefits.  Supporter or not of welfare, you should see this as a win-win.  So small businesses and charities were able to put unemployed workers in the workforce.  Think of it as a free trial run for the employers.  The goal was for the employers to hire the employees who worked well.  This was suppose to alleviate some of the burden to small business and give valuable work skills to those who need it.  The SNAP, EBT, or Food Stamp program as it is more widely know as does not have the working requirements.  Unfortunately, the new changes are giving the states more leeway in the working requirements like when they can be waived.

Why don't they have a requirement? Simple answer again...people need to eat.  I am not going to talk about people who have cash paying jobs, or illegal activities that subsidize their income.  This will always be a way to "work" the system that can have little governmental oversight.  There are also people who will always find ways around the system.  I know many states are trying to crack down on people who sell their food stamps for cash.  Before you condemn them, think that only food is covered on the program.  So items like toilet paper, toothpaste, soap, feminine products, and diapers are not covered.  I am not saying that this is right, but I could understand why someone does it.  Then there is the flip side where people sell them for cash in exchange for illicit purposes like drugs.

So with all the bad things that can happen, when is this not a case of abuse?  When the system works as many thought of it was originally made to work then we have the proper welfare.  A perfect example would be a single mother who does not have a job or works for minimum wage and needs to make ends meet.  If you think that minimum wage can pay the bills for a small family, I am not sure where you live in the United States, but please let me know.  Some think that this case never happens, but it happens more often then many want to think. One of our largest employers is a good example--Walmart!  This large conglomerate receives tax breaks for creating jobs...jobs for which many of the employees are on public assistance or qualify for it.  Some savings there!  So these individuals are being taxed to pay for their own assistance.

I talked about grey area, which is pretty much every other case.  Take for example a mother working for $16 hour in large expensive area like New York City.  For some $16 an hour may seem like a lot, but not if that is the only money a family of four receives.  So before taxes, the family brings home $640 a week.  The family is no longer eligible for food stamps, TANF, and in many states medical coverage.  In reality, the family will have approximately $467 take home a week.  If you take into account, the family should have medical and dental coverage, you are looking at about at least $80 a week for insurance for a family.  Now the take home is $387.  I believe the calculation is 4.2x the weekly rate which mean the monthly income is $1,625.40.  It would be hard to pay rent in a decent neighborhood with that amount of money.

So hear is where is works best not to help yourself.  If mother did not work, she would receive approximately $800 per month in rental subsidy, $668 per month in food, over $400 a month of cash assistance with free medical.  I didn't mention that her $87 a week medical also has deductibles for everything where as the government is free for children and minor charges for adults.  So her net with aid is over $1,868.  This doesn't include other assistance out there for low-income families.  She may qualify with $16 an hour for some of them since she is still below the poverty line, but not at the same rate as if collecting public aid.  So the system is not designed to help those who try to help themselves!  It actually works against you while you are in this grey zone between cap limits and getting over the poverty line.  But as a mother, wouldn't you do what is best for your child?  Some may argue that it is by leading a better example and scrapping by, but financially it is more sound to do nothing. 

With everything said, does anyone else see the inherent flaw in welfare?  Don't argue about your taxes when many of the people on welfare are paying taxes for their own assistance.  It seems like a good time to go back to the drawing board.  Reform, Overhaul, or Status-quo...you decide.

Roe v Wade Almost 40 Years Later

It's not about what is wrong with today, that would be an entirely different subject.  It's what is wrong with this era.  Now this could take a few blogs.  It's like where do I begin?  More importantly, where does it end? (or for somethings the better question might be where does it end?).  So, I am going to tackle just one topic today.

Too often, we as a society lose sight on what the real issues are.  I am not talking about whether or not Jennifer Aniston got engaged just to show up Angelina Jolie or whether or not, Kim Kardashin and Kanye West's relationship is a media gold mine.  I could care less!  I wish more people did too.  Somehow the real issues in society got lost.  Let's start with Roe vs. Wade.

Yes, I am going back almost 40 years.  It seems like we should have moved on from the topic, but it keeps coming back.  Pro-life or Pro-Choice.  If you know me, you know exactly where I stand.  If you don't know where I stand you will by the end of the blog.  First of all, this is a  very strong topic and I welcome all stances and opinions.  We all know that for the most part the politicians are divided by party lines like Republicans are pro-Life and Democrats are pro-Choice.  This is not always the case, but is primarily true.

What does pro-Life entail?  This is probably the easiest side for me to understand.  It means that life begins a conception.  So from the time that an egg is fertilized by one of those strong swimmers (think Michael Phelps in Beijing) then the fetus is alive.  Many pro-Choice politicians, including Mitt Romney, agree that abortion is ok in the case of rape.  (Let's not talk about Rep. Akin and his stance on "Legitimate Rape" that is another of my blogs.)  It would be hard to argue with this exception, so I won't.  It is also the same party that would like to get rid of welfare that helps lower economic class to support their children.  (Welfare reform is another topic all together.)  So let's take away an option for you to not have a child you can't support...hmmm.

Pro-Choice is the other side of the fence. The woman is the one who gets pregnant, it is her body, it is her choice.  The concept also seems pretty simple to me.  Who give the government the right to tell a woman what she can and can not do with her own body?  Does this mean that a life is being terminated?  In reality, this is a matter of religion and/or personal belief.

So how would I consider myself...a moderate maybe.  I believe that fundamentally the government does not have the right to tell me what to do with my own body.  Maybe I also have a unique perspective with the fact that having another child could literally kill me.  The odds would not be so great considering that I was on a ventilator when my last child came into the world.  My little miracle baby as I call her.

So yes, I am pro-Choice!  I maybe getting a little bit of flack from my pastor father-in-law for openly saying this, but it's my personal belief.  Why Roe v Wade should not be vacated? It's for people like me, people who have been raped, people who should not be having children, people who can't afford more children, people who should just have the right to choose,etc.  I know there a probably a lot of people who would argue with me about people who can't afford it or shouldn't have children so please post a comment if you would like.

Moderate? Yes!  While I do believe in a woman's right to choose, I also believe that there other factors that need to be considered.  Personally, I believe a life begins when the fetus can survive outside of the womb.  Many people don't know when this can actually occur, but I believe it is toward the end of the second trimester.  I viewed in great depth the progress of someone who went to high school with me who had a 23-week child.  A child who was given a 5% chance and in a couple of months will celebrate another birthday.  (I can't tell you how many prayers I said for that little girl and her family and I'm not religious.)

So for me, she was alive and a life.  This is where I draw the line.  In some countries, they allow late-term abortions.  I believe that this is beyond comprehension.  I don't agree with abortions after the first trimester.  I once worked with a European who said that if her amino at 16 weeks showed a baby who was handicapped then she would not carry the baby to full term.  I'm not sure how I feel about that and luckily I have never been put into that situation.  I also don't agree with using abortion as birth control.  Again, that is a personal belief and not one that the government should have a say in.

After almost 40 years, it seems like we would have more to talk about than the right (or wrong) of choice.  Not everyone who supports, pro-Choice agrees with abortion, not everyone who is pro-Life doesn't kill (too many bombed abortion clinics to count)!  Hopefully, we can find more substantial political points to argue about in the future like the economy, international trade relations, and government spending.  As for Roe v Wade, maybe Tupac said it best, "Since a man can't make one [a baby], he has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one."

Where is their American Dream?

Let me start by saying that I am third generation born in the United States.  Not one of my great-grandparents was born in the United States. They all came post-WWI.  Am I proud to be an American?  Shouldn't be a difficult question because it's not.  I am very happy to be born in this wonderful country.  Where I can sit in front of a laptop and type away all my thoughts without fear of what might happen to me.  (Other than some nosey little CIA or FBI poking around.  LOL)  I live in a country where freedoms exists and anyone can make it.  Well almost anyone!

My family came to this country to escape the hardships of their homelands in hope for a better future.  A better future not only for themselves, but also for their children.  It is every parents wish and desire for their children to have a better life than they did.  (At least for every parent I know.)  So it was no wonder that my great-grandparents came here to live the "American Dream."  Who could blame them? 

But not all of my great-grandparents came here as adults.  Some of them came here as children.  Let me remind anyone reading this, that children are innocent, nature and nurture develop them.  They came here with big dreams.  Some of them lived them and some of them at least saw the opportunities bestowed on their children.  Is it any wonder why so many people try to immigrate to this country?  We built up this "American Dream" and offer it on TV, the Internet, heck anywhere we can blast it.  I hear how often that the US is the best place to live in the world.  I hear from Americans daily...proud Americans.

Some of these proud Americans are the same people who don't understand how enticing that dream is to people who not as fortunate.  I am talking about immigration.  I know another political topic during an election year...who would have thought I would go there?  (Insert sarcasm!)  I am bringing this back to the children.  My great-grandparents were not asked to come to this country.  There parents brought them here. When I took my children to Disney World, they didn't have a choice on when, where, or how long we would be there.  Why?  Because they ARE children!!  So why can't some of these immigrant children share the dream!

President Obama, (I just felt the eye rolls from some Anti-Obama readers), has made some changes to the immigration law calling it the "Dream Act".  First I want to point out that this rule applies only to people who came to this country as CHILDREN.  Remember, the ones who had no choice but to come with their parents.  Unless by chance, you would move to another country and leave your kids behind?  Secondly, it does not make the US citizens.  Can it lead to citizenship?  I'm sure it could given the right circumstances, but that is not the topic at hand.  What the new law allows is for illegal immigrants who came to this country to obtain a green card.  But they have to meet certain criteria:

• Had to come to this country as a child (before age 16)
• Must posses a high school diploma or GED
• No criminal convictions
• Been in the country for at least 5 years

 The "Dream Act" creates a special immigration status for these children.

Now here come the opponents.  First of all, why would we not want them to obtain a green card?  Now we can collect taxes?  Now we have at least high school educated, non-criminals in the job force legally?  People who never had a say as to whether or not they should live in the US.  People who live in constant fear of being deported over something that their parents made them do.

Do I support the "Dream Act"?  YES! Triple times YES!! Why? Let's start with the fact that I have a heart.  Continue with the fact that I want these people to be able to live the American Dream too.  When so many of our American born children are dropping out school, why not have a better educated workforce.  Why not provide people with an opportunity that my great-grandparents were given?  Oh, did I also mention that my children are first generation born here from an immigrant father?  So you go around flaunting this American Dream, like a bully waving an ice cream cone in front of a little kid, and then don't give it to them!  I ask the opponents why not?  At what price must freedom come?  Somewhere long ago your ancestors (unless you are native American) came from somewhere else too! 

If you get to live the American Dream, why can't they?

Legitimate Rape

There has been a lot of debate (if you can call it that) about the term "legitimate rape" and the reproductive system of women.  First of all, Rep. Todd Akin, I understand that you have apologized, but apology not accepted.  The term "legitimate rape" has sent the entire civilization back at least a hundred years.  Even more, if you consider how cave-man like the term really is. I want to start by saying that RAPE is RAPE.  There is no way to sugar coat it or water it down.  It's not a subject that everyone wants to hear about, but is on my mind.

I know that there are many terms out there that people associate with rape: date-rape, sexual assault, incest, molestation, etc.  Let me start by saying, not one of those terms could be as possibly offensive as "legitimate rape."  Rape no matter how you term it, it is detrimental to person that is why they are called victims.  So for anyone to say that there is a definition of what can  be considered legitimate rape and what is not then you have never been a victim or known a victim yourself.  (Heck at this point, I would wonder if anyone using this term has a mother, wife, sister, or daughter who they think would have to endure a "legitimate rape".)

Rape is one attack that is FOREVER.  It is widely under reported and more widespread than many people know.  This is primarily because the victim has to prove it.  The entire burden of proof is on the person who has already been assaulted, who must keep reliving and retelling one of their worst memories of their entire life.  The hardest of all to prove is date-rape.  There are still too many people in this world who think that NO can still mean YES.  (NO means NO!!!!)  So just because someone is your boyfriend, friend, or husband (speaking for woman right now, yes men can be raped too!), forces themselves on a woman does not mean she was looking for it.  It does not matter how provactively she dressed or how much she flirted or teased, no permission for the cookies, means NO!!  So Mr. Akin, is date rape not legitimate rape?  And who are you to judge that?

Sexual assault is the term most often heard in the media especially if the victim does not have a lot of bruising.  It is also what most rapist plead down to or get convicted of in the court system.  I guess some people believe that if you didn't have a lot of physical evidence that you really didn't fight back hard enough.  But tell me anyone, if your attacker has a good 100 pounds on you and has you pinned, its a little hard to fight back.  So if your knees are wrist or the only thing bruised, I guess that's not legitimate rape, Mr. Akin and your supporters?  How silly can us women be, next time we should make sure that we sustain some broken bones!!

And worst of all, you believe that women have control over their bodies while being "legitimately raped" and can somehow stop impregnation.  If we had that much control, then why are there so many unplanned pregnancies in this country?  I guess we just didn't have enough control over our bodies when we aren't being savagely attacked.  In addition to suffering this horrendous attack, 31 states in the US have laws giving parental rights to attackers who happen to father children during rapes.  So, you wonder why there aren't many reported cases of impregnated women who report rape because they bargain away their right to justice to keep the creep who attacked them out of their lives!  I read somewhere that 30% of women who conceive a child during rape, give birth to the child.  Not sure I could handle it, but I definitely wouldn't want the creep in my life forever just because he viciously donated unwanted sperm.

So can I ever accept your apology Mr. Akin?  I would have to be an idiot!  And you are still a caveman!

Poltics

It seems that everywhere I turn, I keep seeing a political comment or a political cartoon.  Yes!! It's election season, I understand that.  I would have to be a hermit living under a shell before the invention of television not see that this seems to pre-occupy a lot of people's time (and the wealthy's money.)

First, I'm not saying that politics is bad.  After all, we need someone to govern and make laws so that we don't live in total anarchy.  Although, given the political climate we live in right now, that may not necessarily be a bad option.  In the United States, it seems to boil down to two major parties, Republican or Democrat.  Ahh, you may wonder which I am.  If you are still wondering, then you don't know me very well.

So, given the political nature of the world.  It can't help to explain that money makes the world go round.  (Which some people believe is just a saying, but those of us with enough common sense know it's the truth!)  Money makes politics run.  I personally don't give money to any politician or political party directly.  I would have to first find a candidate that I totally agreed with and could support.  (At this point, I primarily vote for the candidate I think would do a better job than the other one--meaning not exactly always who I want in office.)  I also don't think that anyone necessarily has to provide financial support to a candidate.  But the caveat is, historically the person who raises the most funds, is the one who actually wins the election.  (Back to my point- money makes the world go round!)

So instead of putting your money where your mouth is (political pun most definitely intended), why not put your time into figuring out what the candidates and their political alliances are all about.  DO your homework!  What laws could be changed that you can't live without!  What laws do you think need changing.  Who will keep your interest in the White House, the Senate, any branch of government?  That's who you vote for!  Do or don't vote in this election solely based on what political affiliation you associate yourself with!  But I do stress, IF YOU CAN---VOTE!!