Today I write this just hours before the American holiday of Thanksgiving. While the actual celebration of Thanksgiving in the United States is a reflection on some horrific acts committed against the indigenous people in this country, the time for me to reflect for what I am thankful for is a true blessing. Maybe it sounds sappy, but there are so many things that I am thankful for.
My life is truly blessed with the best children that I could have ever asked for. My youngest daughter who thinks that this holiday is cursed because this is the second year in a row where she is sick for the holiday lay sleeping next to me. What more could I be thankful for then listening to the sounds of her breathing knowing that she fell asleep in my arms? My older two children are both out with their friends, but home tomorrow to spend time with me. The house is quiet now, but I know that tomorrow it will be filled with laughter. For that I am thankful.
My sister who is at work because of the dreaded curse of retail. For her I am thankful. If you have never had a sister who calls you on your bullshit, you are truly missing out. She is liking having a frenemy because she brings out the best and the worst in you. If I ever truly want someone to bury a body with me, it would be her. If I ever want someone to say, "girl, stop crying, get your ass up and do something about it!," it would be her. For that I am thankful.
I do not have a large circle of friends, but for those who are truly my friends, I am thankful. When I need someone to talk to, I have a few of you that can be there. I have those friends who can just know that I need to vent, and let me do so. My close friends I hold dear in my heart, even those who live far away and I don't speak to often. For that I am thankful.
For every bad memory, for every good one, for every struggle, and for every triumph, I have become this person- a messed up, well intentioned, smart-ass, who still believes in praying for signs. Someone who looks for the good in people even after I thought I have lost my way. When I prayed for something to happen and it didn't, I know it is because something better is coming my way. For the couple of men in my life who I have loved, I am thankful. For the lessons that I have learned about how not to be loved and how not give love, I am thankful.
I will continue to pray for signs to help guide me when I have lost faith in either my heart or mind. I will remind myself to keep being thankful for all that I have and for all the unanswered prayers that will lead me to something better.
